She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
