party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
