there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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