My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
