he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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