I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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