he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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