Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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