I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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