We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
