I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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