Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
