I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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