So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
