i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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