Will you blow on my dice?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
