I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
