We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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