I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
