Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
