I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
