I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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