Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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