my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
