i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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