need another drink. this is the easiest way
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
