That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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