i think i have herpe
just one?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
this hospital has no fireball
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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