I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
