My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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