i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
