I'm lost and stupid without you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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