i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
