You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she looked like the before picture.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have feelings that need drinking.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
