As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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