I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
