Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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