I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
