3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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