Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
