I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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