I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
