dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
