i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
