It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
