can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
