I heard we made out
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish you could order shots online.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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