Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
