The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
