I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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