that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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