i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
