The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
