he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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