I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
