Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
