where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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