Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
