If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
