I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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