Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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