God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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