Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
