Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
