We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
